Left on Read - Navigating through the "..."

What is it about reaching out to someone and seeing the "..." light up and flicker to only see it disappear that makes your brain start to come up with outlandish scenarios of why they didn't respond? What's worst, those moments where you reach out to connect with another only to see the words, "read" with a timestamp of when they saw it, only to see no response whatsoever. Most of the time it doesn't matter when we see those things in our normal exchanges with friends or family, but for some reason, in those moments when it does matter, the lack of an immediate response is unbearable.

We dread waiting. Why must I wait when I can have it now? Why wait when it is clear that my requests need to be responded to immediately at the expense of whatever it is you're doing? Why wait when waiting corners and backs me up into the wall where I press against my fears, selfish ambitions and unrealistic expectations? Waiting is for the weak. No one that has gotten anywhere in life had to wait. The strong get ahead, get their answers, get what they want by their determination, strength and will. The hustle and grind gets the ball rolling when all the ball wants to do is sit on the steps of a schoolyard waiting for a child to come by to pick it up. Why wait when you can just take was a stance I saw play out all around me and unknowingly internalized to become a way in which I approached my circumstances.

My life, especially during the years of young adulthood, was spent trying to build what I thought would lead me to success. It was in my mid-twenties, after completing my predestined path of finishing high school and going to college where I pursued higher education and a professional career, I thought I was doing what I was suppose to be doing.

Education...check.

Job...check.

Living on my own...check.

Making my own money and doing whatever I wanted without my parents telling me what to do...double check.

However, in pursuing the life I was told would lead me towards happiness, success and fulfillment, there seemed to be a part of me that knew something was off.

Was I happy? Yes...to some extent. I had moments that made me experience happiness, but I didn't have everlasting joy that could weather through any storm. Was I successful? Yes...to a standard that was generic in the scheme of things. I had good grades, had a job that was in the field I went to school for, lived in a city I thought was exciting and cool, but I didn't have any wisdom that could see beyond the illusion of what really mattered. I lived a life I was told to take and I did so without any waiting.

There was no rest, no purposeful pauses nor sacred space in between achieving the man-made goals I had set before me. The faster I could achieve what I thought would bring me fulfillment in life became the focus of it. I could not see the gifts that were waiting for me in the midst of accumulating degrees, job titles and validation from others. The hustle and grind culture of my heart lead to compromise of my human experience. I sacraficed gratitude, stillness, and clarity for perceived grandeur, success and competency.

I bypassed what I couldn't sit in; the waiting.

There is a divine purpose in waiting. It is designed to purify the heart; to keep it open, responsive and attentive. What feels like is killing us is actually what keeps us alive. It is in the waiting where we can stop and see the intentional act of love that waits quietly for us to take notice of it. It sits there unprentious and patient. Most of the time, it is unnoticed and thus, becomes buried underneath the collection of fame, status, performance and pursuit of pleasure.

The gift given to us in the in-between, those dot-dot-dot moments, is one of reflection, appreciation and the savory sweetness of enjoying the fresh fruit of a season's harvest. Taking the time to sit in the stillness is a gift. Being able to breath into a limited time where nothing is requested of you other than to just be is a gift. There is peace in the pause. But many of us, including myself, unintentionally deny this divine gift from above because our eyes our set on what's next and what else. It is in this stance towards life where joy, peace and fulfillment cannot exist. The only thing that can hold true are the feelings of emptiness, unrelenting frustration and fleeting highs amidst a sea of "never enough".

I've learned that waiting is anything but for the weak. The truth is, the people who have peace in their hearts and minds, have been the ones who have endured and embraced an undetermined and unknown amount of waiting. Their perserverence, courage and trust in the process (and God) helped lead them through trials and tribulations, periods of uncertainty and being "left on read" emotionally, mentally and spiritually-speaking to the unmet prayers and questions that we all share. Waiting is not for the faint of heart, but it is here where the heart becomes the center of the journey and the connection to our truth and strength.

In the debut book of The Starting Point, the topic of waiting, surrender and trust is shared through the story of a failed marriage and learning how to build a life with God in it. This book is written for anyone looking to hear about how faith and patience in uncertainty leads to purpose and restoration.

Purposeful Practices:

1. In your "dot-dot-dot" moments of waiting on an answer, how do you typically wait? Describe how you currently handle your emotions, feelings and thoughts when you find yourself waiting.

2. Do you find your actions and stance towards waiting helpful or hurtful to your experience in life?

3. Identify 3 ways that you can practice patience in a waiting season that lead you to feeling hopeful and focused on the bigger picture, even if you don't know what that bigger picture may be yet. Pick one and practice it intentionally. Write down what you notice.
   

LEFT ON READ // NAVIGATING THROUGH THE "..."