The Postpartum Page-Turner

It has been almost a month since the pre-release book launch and having the book be in the hands of the public. I did not know what to expect or what to hope for when it came to what it would feel or be like to be a published author. Luckily, I did not have much expectations other than hoping for the book to impact just one person in a positive way to make it worth all the sacrifice it took to create it.

I never planned to write a book nor did I study or actively pursue writing in the years leading up to the moment I decided to write down the table of contents. I don't consider myself as someone who is fluent in the grammar and by no means do I see myself actively pursuing a job where writing is a fundamental part of the position.

Writing for me has just been a form of expression - a creative outlet to share the innermost workings of my heart, mind and soul. Just like when I was making flower crowns for events, the words that flowed from my fingertips were the individual flowers that had been intentionally chosen to design something that was meant to be seen and worn with beauty and purpose.

Writing this book has allowed me to be heard and seen in a way that I have never allowed myself to be experienced before by others. Unexpectedly, this book has given me the chance to show people who I actually am, and because of that, I unintentionally have allowed myself to be loved by those who have read it. But what was unintentional on my end was very intentional on God's side.

In the book I share openly about seeking love and validation from a place of low self-worth. It took shape mostly in the form of people-pleasing but showed up in other ways that weren’t led with dignity and respect. Love was conditional. However, this book became a source of love that not only poured out from me, but through me and to me (from people who took the time to see and read the book). Love became the foundation this book was formed on, and because of that, love was all that could exist when it came time to share it.

I reflect on the weeks, and even months, leading up to the release of the book, I remember vividly the fear, the tears and the hesitation to be so transparent in what was flowing out of me and into the manuscript. However, as I reflect on the weeks following the release of the book, I can see how the story that I was afraid to share is now a story I find hope and connection in.

These are my top reflections in my postpartum season of becoming a published author and what impacts it has made thus far.

1. Every book is a seed. There are times I forget who has the book or who has read it until I receive a text message or run into someone who shares with me their thoughts on the book. Each text reminds me that at some point, outside of my control and knowledge, that the book is making an impression on someone in the world. I may not know to what degree the book speaks to someone or what impacts it has on them; however, what I do know is that every book represents a possibility. It represents a possibility for encouragement, insight or introspection, connection, love, forgiveness, a turning towards God - whatever it is, all that matters is that I am sowing seeds for people to hopefully grow from.

2. My identity is not in this book. Although I share very openly about my life and the people in it as the content of this book, this book does not define my identity. It's a fine line to walk. Yes I am an author; however, I am not defined by it. Yes, this book is about my life; however, my life isn't the focus of this book. Yes, I am proud of writing something that I never knew I could write; however, I am no different from who I was before the book was published and who I am now that the book is out there. In a way, I am glad I feel this way. I don't feel attached to the identity of being an author and what comes along with that title. Because of that lack of attachment, I am not as concerned with book sales, the need or expectation for people to support it or whether or not the book becomes a best seller. My only attachment comes from whether or not I made God proud in my actions towards completing this calling that was put on my heart. Did I show up the best way I knew how? Did I trust the process when I had no clue of what I was doing? Was I willing to invest real money and sacrifice real time to make this an idea into an actual physical book to hold? With the answer being yes to all of the above (and more), I can rest in peace knowing that my identity is formed on being a person that not only can do challenging things that most people may deter from, but that I am someone trustworthy, capable and strong enough to get the job done when asked.

3. A book birth is like a real birth. The day that the book was released reminded me of when I had given birth to my daughters. It reminded me of how special a moment it was to hold something that I had been carrying inside of me now in my hands and visible to all to see. In that moment, holding the book for the first time feels surreal. You feel everything differently - how the book smells, how soft it is to the touch and how gentle it is to hold it as you turn every page with a gentleness of holding something so fresh and pure. It is in those moments where nothing else exists. Life keeps moving, but for you, and you only, time pauses. It is silent. It is the most alive you feel as you take your first few moments to savor what it feels like to step into something new. It is in that moment where the old you passes away and the new you, "the author", steps forward knowing that you will live life having a part of you living outside of you. So for now, you enjoy the time where it stays close to you, where your friends and family get to be the first ones to witness this beautiful blessing, because soon enough, it will grow up big enough to leave its home in order to make its own impact on the world and the people in it.

So what is the answer to the million dollar question to what it is like to be a first-time self-published author?

It feels good.

I feel proud.

I am grateful.

I definitely feel less scared now that the book is out there. Thank goodness the "birthing" part of the book is behind me and I can now rest in knowing that the book is here and healthy.

Would I do it again?

I guess we will have to see what gets placed on my heart, but for now, I am enjoying this postpartum time with the book where I still get to keep it close to my heart and love on it by sharing it with those who want to love on it too. There is no rush to have another book baby. I am thoroughly enjoying my time knowing that this newborn stage of being an author is short-lived and precious, so I will gladly hold this book with honor, love, appreciation, affection and of course, talk to it in a cute "baby" voice haha.

For those of you who would like to get your own copy of THE STARTING POINT, you can find it here on Amazon or fill out the contact form for a signed copy. For those who have read the book and would like to help me spread the word about the book and your experience with reading it, you can leave a review here or send your thoughts through the contact page where we can post your review directly on the website.