Spiritual Immigrant

Growing up in the 90s was a great time to look back on. For me, Squeezits and warheads skimmed the surface of memories from a time that Mario Kart, Pogs, and watching Care Bears or Clarissa Explains it All on Nickelodeon seared my very existence as a 1985 baby. I loved going into the Sanrio store with my sister and cousins and Sailor Moon was our girl power inspiration. Disney movies like Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin were played repeatedly in our home. I played with my Furby, Tamagotchi and Lite Brite and life could not have been better. Despite growing up with immigrant parents, as I write this, I realize how much they provided for us and how our Asian culture mixed with our American experience created a unique blending of both that would shape and mold me into who I am today.

Even though I grew up having both influences, I've always felt like I never fit in. Despite being Chinese-Vietnamese in my blood, I never grew up having friends of Asian descent. I found myself not being Asian enough because I didn't speak the language nor was encouraged to learn more about my heritage beyond our family traditions with Chinese New Year. I denied my heritage and in looking back, it brings my heart a lot of sadness to not have pride in who I was as an Asian American. I found myself wanting to assimilate and be as "white" as possible.

Where I grew up was predominantly a white community and there were probably a small handful of other Asian kids I saw at school but never made the effort to interact with. Even though we looked the same, I unknowingly was ashamed to be lumped in with them. I never really ever fit in with my white friends either. I was both, but I was also none at the same time. I was always different and I felt it.

I spent my life never having a strong sense of identity. I was neither here nor there. I was in the in-between space of having dual access to different realities.

This feeling of being both and not having a firm defined identity has followed me into adulthood and I see it play out in my current faith journey. I constantly struggle to know where I stand. I live in this in-between space of being human who has spiritually immigrated to a new mindset and now learning the language, culture and influences of having faith in God.

But I have a feeling I am not meant to fit in. I have a feeling that I am different; in the same way as I was growing up.

I am both. I am a little of this and a little of that. I have a unique stance to stand in two worlds that exists for me. From a spiritual standpoint, I can be (and am), fully human, but I can also step into a space that I now have access to: being holy. Being holy means being set apart for a specific or special purpose. Through my relationship with God, I have access to something I did not have when I didn't have a faith practice. I have access to the divine - clarity, wisdom, peace, authority, discernment, and connection.

Being able to have access to both requires intention. There needs to be intention to not forget to be human - to enjoy this life where seasons impart on us memories that make us who we are. It is the gift we are given and we are to embrace, enjoy and envelop with love and gratitude. To go on a faith journey requires us to remember our humanness while also being moved towards holiness. When we come to faith, we choose to spiritually immigrate from one type of mindset and heart space into another. We have to learn a new language, a new culture and a new way of experiencing the world that is completely different from what we have known. Being able to be both is a superpower. It is not one or the other that makes you better, it is the embodiment of both that transcends the limitations of the human experience and gives us the ability to taste what this new life has to offer.

Coming to faith is not abandoning the life you lived before that made you into the person you are now. If anything, coming to faith honors the path and gives meaning and life back to it. Being human is such a gift that can sometimes feel like a burden or a struggle, but that is what being human is. Being human is hard. It is challenging. It is painful, stressful and sometimes it just feels like life is out to get us. AND...

Being human, when combined with faith in God, becomes meaningful, purposeful and powerful. It is the light bulb that turns on with one switch. Our human lives are meant to have faith in God in it. Without God, we are subjected to the confines of our human abilities. With God, well...let's just say, the possibilities are endless.

In the debut book of The Starting Point, the topic of identity is shared as the transition from being a non-believer to a believer takes place. Carolyn shares the challenges that come from navigating relationships that are impacted by her pursuit of faith and how it helped her prioritize the importance of God and family in her life.

Purposeful Practices:

1. When were you born and what marked your childhood memories growing up in that era? Share what human experiences you grew up with helped you become who you are today.

2. Do you struggle with balancing your human life with your holy practices? Do you tend to lean more towards one or the other? How would you categorize how much time you spend in each (ie. 30 % human, 70% holy or vice versa)? Are you currently satisfied with how you are showing up based on your current rating of yourself?

3. How has coming to faith impacted your relationships? Has there been a difference between close friends, social friends or strangers? Would you consider the changes positive or negative and why?