Climbing the Corporate Ladder

I have always been a high-achiever. I remember being young and finding pride in myself for silly things like finishing assignments in school or at work before others could. I found my value in feeling worthy because I was able to "do" all the things fast, and in most cases, pretty well. What was good in my eyes as a young person now seems so foolish through my lens now as a middle-aged adult. But I was doing what I thought was best through the guidance of those around me or most influential in my life. The culture of being an Asian-American growing up with immigrant parents focused on being successful. Success was defined by financial stability through education. I experienced a social culture where looking a certain way or being connected to certain people was praised as a young adult. It really mattered to me at the time to be well-liked, accepted and included in the social networks I was in during my twenties and early thirties.

The things that mattered all came to a crash the moment I realized that despite having achieved the life I was told would bring me happiness, I was unfulfilled. I felt empty. I felt like I went through the motions of getting what I was told to go after faster than my peers, but it meant nothing because the focus was on attaining instead of appreciating. There is a quote from the Emoji movie that resonates with this topic. There is a scene where two emojis are speaking at a cross-road of trying to decide which direction to move in. The ultimate decision is if one of the emojis goes off on his own or goes with the other. The quote from the movie that I found most powerful was, "What's the point of being #1 if there aren't any other numbers?"

That line in the movie hit. It helped reinforce a concept of connection and community over selfishness and self-gain. People mean more than position. It seems like such an obvious mind-set to think this way, but as someone who knew of that concept as a younger person, the selfishness of my ego acted from that spirit of worthlessness. Sometimes in life we can be exposed to spiritual concepts that mentally we can agree with. For example, we can all agree that we should treat others with kindness, love thy neighbor, and be humble. The list is endless.

However, the application of it is much harder when it presses against your limitations. For me personally, my limitation of feeling unworthy led to my actions to achieve as a means to not feel unworthy. It was a defense mechanism that operated within me from a very young age. I don't look back at myself and shame that part of me that was human but I do look to myself now and actively seek the guidance from God for help. I seek it through the convictions of the Holy Spirit and through the teachings of Jesus as both help me track whether or not I am walking out of fear or walking out of love.

There is a spiritual mentor that I love by the name of Dharius Daniels. I found him through a sermon where he spoke as a guest and I have been listening to him for the past year almost everyday. He stated,

"There is nothing like climbing to the top of the ladder to only find out that you placed it on the wrong wall."

Oof.

Yes, how devastating to go through life achieving all the things we are told makes us successful to find out it was all for nothing. It also hit, just like the emoji scene. I realized that I don't want to waste the time I am given on fleeting wins. I realized all that matters is prioritizing God, being healthy (inside and out) and loving on people as best that I can. It all led to relationships. That was the ladder I now wanted to climb.

The biggest reason why I felt so unfulfilled when I experienced getting to the "top" of my ladder was seeing that I had placed it on a wall of fear and shame. It did not matter how fast I got up it because it led me to nowhere of value. It was humbling to realize what you thought was "right" the whole time was totally wrong. On top of that, although I did have the husband, the kids, the house, the money, the things that most people who consider successful, I didn't have the capacity to appreciate and value them as they were. It felt empty. No matter how much I had, I didn't fully appreciate what I had and I was always on the search for more.

I noticed that I was never satisfied.

Achieving the goals I had set led me to only focus on the outcome and not the process. However, through the divine intervention of coming to faith, my heart was transformed and I was able to finally see with clarity and discern with wisdom. I can see now that although I have the capacity to achieve, what is most important is moving towards what God is leading me to and not pursuing what I think I need to be doing. I can see that He is leading me to a life that is to help others. He needs me to be available to my family where I steward and protect our family with my husband with intention, compassion and spiritual education. He is leading me to have grace, forgiveness and love for others no matter what they do, or don't do, to or for me. The path that God leads us down at times seems counterintuitive, but it always ends in unity and connection.

When I googled the definition of corporate, several definitions showed up. One was referencing a synonym - Unified/Collective. It was defined as: "Formed into a body or shared by all members of a group (e.g., corporate responsibility). corporate ladder, the one." The corporate ladder we climb is the one God leads us to focus on. Through our efforts, time and agency the top of the corporate ladder God leads us to access purpose, meaning and fulfillment that is only found at the end of our climb.

In the debut book of The Starting Point, the topic of finding purpose and fulfillment is discussed. This book is written for anyone looking to learn about how to find clarity and wisdom through their faith.

Purposeful Practices:

1. What ladder are you currently climbing? What are you finding value in when you get access to it? Does it feel fleeting or fulfilling?

2. Write down what motivates you. What do you seek or want to feel in your life? Are you currently experiencing those things? Are there any achievements you are pursuing that feel self-serving or are for the greater good of those around you?

3. Community is important for our spiritual walk. Write down the names of people you find encouragement from and how you encourage them.